The Gatekeeper

Every time a new year rolls around, I dub it MY YEAR. As in: "Okay, for real, 2016 is definitely going to be MY YEAR." Cue dramatic music. Now, I can't speak as to whether or not any previous years have actually been "my year." I can only say that every time January comes around again, I feel the need to renew the sentiment. Because when that last year ends, I'm left taking stock of my accomplishments. As in: "I really thought that in 2015 I was going to be working as an actor full time and be twenty pounds lighter even though I drink beer and eat donuts like I'm Homer Simpson." Invariably, no matter what strides forward I may have made, they seem insignificant next to the gaping hole left by the fact that my life isn't exactly what I imagined it to be.

But, honestly, maybe 2016 IS going to be my year. Why? Because I feel like I've finally accepted the fact that life is never going to be exactly what I imagined it to be. That is a selfish, immature and frankly, pretty crazy notion. Having everything perfect all the time is not a realistic goal. It doesn't account for the fact that there is a whole wide world of other souls searching for the same thing for themselves. It doesn't account for the Gatekeeper. 

"Who dat?" you might be asking. To be fair, I'm sure a bunch of really smart people have better names for this concept. I'm also not precisely sure from where I adopted this vernacular- Ghostbusters? Someone else's blog? Couldn't tell ya. For that reason, I take no ownership, other than the explanation I'm giving: The Gatekeeper is the name I give to the "noun" that can stop you from achieving certain types of goals. For example, as above: "I want to be working as a full time actor," is a Gatekeeper Goal. I cannot make that happen by myself, of my own volition. I am not the only one accountable for making that a reality. I can't guarantee that any theatre company will cast me in their next season. I can't even make sure I get an audition. The whole goal relies on someone else letting me through that gate- through multiple gates. So, really, it's pretty fucking useless. 

We know, scientifically, that setting and achieving goals leads to an improvement in overall happiness and satisfaction with our lives. But these Gatekeeper Goals have been working in the opposite way- at least for me. I'd wager that this line of thinking has been a leading cause of dissatisfaction in my life. Not only are they virtually un-achievable, but they also shift the blame. They enable procrastination and excuses. As in: "I want to be working as a full time actor, but no one in this fucking town seems to agree. I'm doing everything I can, but it just isn't happening!" Also known as: my mentality for the past 5 years.

But, never fear, I'm learning to overcome this perspective and I have no problem sharing with you how brilliant and good at life I am. What I do is to reframe these goals- distill them down to what I, solely, can be accountable for. They are more achievable and are still a stepping stone to that ultimate life-dream type deal. Making one huge goal into smaller, bite-size goals is not a new concept. It's goal-setting 101- but its not just that. It's that these small goals have to be Gatekeeper-less, too. They also need to have a clear resolution- you can definitively say when they're complete. A smaller version of: "I want to be working as a full time actor." could arguably be: "I want to go on a lot of auditions." But, that's NO DAMN GOOD. Because A) Gatekeeper- that bitch still has to let me into the audition room. And B) Ambiguous ending- and even if I gave a specific number of auditions I wanted to have, we'd still end up circling back that pesky Gatekeeper.

So, what? Instead, I focus on things that I, MEGAN, can actually do and that can be DONE- as in, checked off. "I will submit for every audition that comes my way; I will write a play for myself to act in; I will go see at least one show a month as a way to improve my craft and instill myself in the community; I will find and hone two new audition pieces this year; I will start up a group for local actors to come together and practice, etc"  Is it always perfect? No. But it's better. 

This concept is what I have been trying to focus on for myself and for the community that I did, in fact, start hosting- YYC Actors' Gym.

BRRAAP BRRAAP. Seriously. Goals without Gatekeepers. Try it.