Skip to main content

This is it.

I've always toyed with the idea of writing a blog. Toyed with it in the way that my cat would torture a mouse- batting it around  and around and never fully letting it die. I've often thought about spilling my guts to a handful of semi-interested Facebook friends who will surely only read this out of some morbid curiosity to see if I'm aware of exactly how much weight I've gained. I've thought about reaching out to those few electronic voyeurs who are aching to discover what sad, sad twists my life as an over-caffeinated, completely unsuccessful actor have taken since I spent my academic scholarships on Theatre instead of engineering, or business or... literally anything else.

But, I seem to have stopped myself from even starting on more than one occasion.Why? Well, my crippling self doubt assures me that, quiet honestly- no one gives half a fuck what I have to say. And (horror!), what if, on the off-chance, my ramblings touched someone into giving any small amount of fucks and I had nothing mildly interesting to throw at them? What if my blog turned into something resembling a progressively maudlin, supersized Tweet? This, at those times, seemed too horrible fate for my gestating blog fetus.

And besides, blogs are solely for the lonely, the attention starved middle children, the people who have something important to say, or those who MacGyver cupcakes out of Nutella, toothpaste and a really old snowman mug. (I swear to God, if there is a recipe even resembling that somewhere on the internet, send it to me immediately. Mama's hungry.) At the very least, someone who wrote a blog must be a whimsical sadomasochist with a giant boner for Julia Child.

I don't really fit into any of these categories. I am often surrounded by people, am the youngest of  three kids, and the most J. Child ever gives me is a partial.

So, you may ask, what changed? Am I taking the trip of a lifetime and need a platform to post my blurry, amateur photos of Trafalgar Square? Did I finally get tired of only writing erotic Harry Potter Fanfiction? Am I drunk? Yes. All of these things.

JK, jk, kidlets. I'm not that interesting and the most I have going on right now is a slight buzz. I'm just trying to write. I've been letting a stageplay percolate in my head for years. YEARS. Literally, like two years. I guess that's how long it took me to discover that the script won't write itself. That whore.

Also, I read somewhere (probably on someone's inspirational Pinboard) that writers should write every day. So this is my writing side-project's side project. Something to putz away on when I need to get my creative juices flowing (ew), but can't bear to spend even another second with any of my characters. And, now that I've decided to pretend that I am a writer, not just an underpaid soap salesperson- I guess I should do those thangs.

So, welcome to my blog. It's about me. Being 22 and awful in general. See, the title is supposed to be transparent. No hidden meanings. I didn't want to start out what I hope will be a deep and meaningful relationship on a foundation of lies. Within my blog you may expect to find the following: links to pictures of cats, writing samples, retail related rants and other shit that matters to only me, but that I will force on you because you're the idiot who clicked this link and you're in my world now, bitch.

Please love me.

-Megan



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Why I'm Fucking Terrified...

You know what's tough, world? Being female. Yes, it's true: being the prettier, curvier, boobier sex has its perks. Like... Boobs. They are awesome. We know this. And, to be fair, I'll reckon having two different chromosomes brings with it it's own fair share of hardships. I mean, I can only assume the dangly penis part whacks against things when you're running. Really shitty stuff, I'm sure. But what I want to talk about here (Frankly, what I would talk about everywhere, to everyone, if I could) is being a young woman. Growing up booby, if you will. As most of you ladies out there can attest to: it fucking sucked. You're scared. You're body confuses you because it's getting hairy and lumpy and no matter what shape it is, it's incorrect. When you're alone you look in the mirror, next to all the posters and magazine snippets of people that are way more attractive than anyone you've ever seen with your bare eyeballs, and you quietly hum...

The Gatekeeper

Every time a new year rolls around, I dub it MY YEAR. As in: "Okay, for real, 2016 is definitely going to be MY YEAR." Cue dramatic music. Now, I can't speak as to whether or not any previous years have actually been "my year." I can only say that every time January comes around again, I feel the need to renew the sentiment. Because when that last year ends, I'm left taking stock of my accomplishments. As in: "I really thought that in 2015 I was going to be working as an actor full time and be twenty pounds lighter even though I drink beer and eat donuts like I'm Homer Simpson." Invariably, no matter what strides forward I may have made, they seem insignificant next to the gaping hole left by the fact that my life isn't exactly what I imagined it to be . But, honestly, maybe 2016 IS going to be my year. Why? Because I feel like I've finally accepted the fact that life is never going to be exactly what I imagined it to be . That is a...

(Self)Love is Battlefield

I think about self-love often lately. These past few months have been an extremely uncomfortable, messy and illuminating time for me, developmentally speaking. And while I can't be sure, being in the middle, I do like to think that I am on a journey to a more peaceful state of being. Even if I wasn't able to see that when I took the first steps. I am starting to realize that I have spent a lifetime fighting a war against worthiness. While there are external factors that certainly exacerbate this, I think it's safe to say that, in the end, these attacks have largely been one sided. Me against myself. And I'm ready to surrender. Cool the hostilities, as it were. I began going to therapy in September of 2018. I spent five months working with a counselor on the fact that I felt overwhelmed. Just... all of the time. Honestly. That was the whole reason I went to see someone. I was exhausted, drowning, unfulfilled and I didn't know why. After talking to me for approximat...